To All the Girls Starting Your Next Semester of College

Ventana Canyon, Tucson

Ventana Canyon, Tucson

Here are ten things (and one more thing) to help you start this school year off right.

I just got home last night from spending the weekend in Tucson. We moved our daughter (my stepdaughter) into her apartment at the University of Arizona. It was crazy busy, but it was awesome because we got to be there and we got to meet lots of her friends. It's not only an honor for me to walk beside Sami as she transitions into her sophomore year, but to be around so many young people in this huge time of transition. It's exciting! It’s like I’m a sponge, learning about what college life is like now and what girls are dealing with today. Anyway, here’s what I want to say….

10 Things to Remember

  • Do not worry about who people think you are on social media, because the friends and people who really love you, are the only ones who truly need to know the truth and they are the ones who matter. 
  • I know selfies are a huge part of life now, but make sure you keep in check with yourself and know - you are beautiful just as you are right now, without any filter, or any retake, or any makeup or any likes. You are more than your selfie.
  • That reminds me - whatever you do - be careful of getting your validation from how many likes you get on what you post. Those likes or missing likes will never validate who you truly are because that's only meant to come from one place - your creator. 
  • Do not let a single thing you navigate through in this school year determine your worth. I don’t care how good or bad your grades are, or how great the internship you are getting is - none of that determines your worth and value. You are invaluable to God. 
  • Relax and take a deep breathe. Yes, you are figuring out who you want to be in life at the same time you are trying to make it through college. It's a lot, but I want you to know God has a good plan for your life and he knows how it’s all going to go down. So don’t rush or stress and just enjoy where you are right now.
  • Speaking of stress - don’t forget to DEstress. Whatever you do to rest, do that. Whether it’s taking a nap or a walk or Netflix and chill, chill. You will be so much more functional if you keep it in balance.
  • Don’t worry about what everyone else is eating. You eat what fuels your body and keeps you strong. Think fuel. Don’t deprive or starve yourself because it won’t help. 
  • Workout for your health and sanity. Don’t worry about the skinny girl who is down on the other treadmill you want to look like, we are created uniquely and your body is not her body.
  • Watch out for drinking or using any kinds of drugs. I’m certainly not going to tell you not to do anything because I’m not going to stop you. But be aware of your consequences when you partake. It’s not normal to end up in the hospital from drinking, and that’s okay because it happened to me too. What it is, is a good sign you may have a problem with using. So be aware.  
  • One more time on beauty, because we are living in such a surface obsessed world: Like the song Scars to Your Beautiful says, “You should know your beautiful just the way you are” and “Beauty goes deeper than the surface,” no matter how you feel or what you think about yourself, trust me - you are beautiful. You will need to remember this when you doubt it a thousand times this year. You are beautiful because God created you. 

And One More thing….

As you spread your wings this year, remember that part of learning how to fly is falling sometimes. It’s okay to be imperfect. It’s more than okay to be yourself. It’s beautiful to show your scars. It’s better to be real than fake. It’s better to learn from your mistakes and grow, than not take risks and stay stagnant. 

Go easy on yourself as you grow and learn about life this year. Lean on your friends. Listen to your Healthy Voice. When I say that I mean in it’s truest sense - God. His voice is greater than yours or mine and He can help us whenever we get derailed by the many ways our Unhealthy Voice can get us. Whether it’s your parents, a fight with a friend, a bad grade, or a bad night - that Unhealthy Voice will want to put you down and make you feel bad about yourself. Don’t let it. Get back up and know that you have a Healthy Voice that will keep you strong even when your Unhealthy Voice seems to be shouting. 

And if you are one of those girls whose Unhealthy Voice is particularly loud, or damaging - you are not alone. Many girls like you have one too. It thrives on you comparing your news feed or likes. It expects you to be perfect and it loves when you pretend you have it all together. It loves when you are fake.  There is no one on that campus that doesn’t struggle with these things. Some of the girls just hide it better. Everyone has their problems, no matter how good that picture looks.

If that Unhealthy Voice is so loud you can’t focus or work, you may need some help. Do not be ashamed of getting it. Maybe you have emotional struggles or you get so overwhelmed that you have a panic attack, or you turn too much to starving or overexercising or bingeing to cope with stress. Whatever it is, there is no judgement here. But the sooner you reach out for help, the sooner you will realize you are braver than you think. 

If you aren't there, I want to tell you about what should be your first resort, but is usually the last. And that’s crying out to God.

In Matthew 11:28-30 he says, “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still, and know that I am God.” 

And if for a second you think you have to do something to earn God’s love, remember this: Ephesians 2:8-9 says, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith -  and this is not form yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast.”

These are the verses that helped me when I hit a place where I could no longer do it myself. I was siting in my apartment at school (grad school actually) and couldn’t take it anymore. I cried out to God and he answered me. These verses comforted me and helped me get better. They still help me today. 

So, if the world feels like it’s crashing down, it’s not. God has got you. You’ve just got to ask him for help. You could call your Mom, but even she can’t help you in this place. This is where you need God - when you come to the end of yourself. He will love you right where you are at. There is nothing better than being guided by God and in relationship with Him. (And mind you this isn’t coming from someone who knew the Lord in college, only went to church to pray to pass an exam.) If you want to get an idea of what I’m talking about, seek him every day. Look for him in the skies, in the impromptu good conversations with your friends, in the little moments, and you will realize he’s always with you. All you gotta do is notice.

I hope this stuff helps you navigate the next school year. If you ever need anything I’m just an Instagram message or email away. You can also look for me on Instagram sometimes this fall with my friend Eliza who is your age. We will be talking about all these real topics nobody wants to talk about. We’ll be getting REAL so you can be real. If there is anything you want us to talk about, let us know!!

Have a great school year!!


A Personal Letter to Every 2017 College Graduate: And One More Thing

This is dedicated to you the graduate, the graduate you love, the recent grad or the soon to be grad. Since it's Notre Dame graduation weekend, I got inspired cause I live close to the place I was blessed to graduate from twice! Wasn't expecting to write this, but when God give you the words, you write them down!! Enjoy....

Go you. Congratulations.

Blaze new trails

Follow those dreams.

Ignite the fire inside you and shine your light like the stars in the sky. 

And one more thing....this is something you aren't going to hear when they confer your diploma. It's also something you probably never heard in college nor will hear out in the real world. Yes, everyone will have advice from career paths to when to get married, where to live and how to start a family. It'll be like you just came out of the nest and everyone wants to show you the way. But the truth is, you will have to learn the hard way, by walking through it all yourself. Things won't work out as you plan, no matter how hard you plan it. The job you thought was your dream job will turn out to be not so good. The boy you fell for, won't be the right fit. The time you wanted to be having kids will be different than what you plan. 

Here is all I can say. Your plan isn't the best plan because God has got an even better plan. So if it gets rough and you wonder why you are on a detour, trust that God must be up to something good. Even if it sucks, you'll be amazed by how he'll work it out.

The best advice I can give you is what I wish I knew even before I got to college. It's this:

You do not have to find validation or approval in the world, in people, in social media or career. If you look in the right place, you will find it in one thing and one thing only.


Don't think this is a religious lecture or some kind of punishment. This is an effort to help you see where you want your compass to point. Have it point towards God. Keep your eyes on Him. So when you get detoured or things don't go as planned, you have a plan and that's to focus on Him. He will be your anchor, your rock, your steady hand, your source of comfort and strength, your provider, your healer, your hope and your Savior. More than anyone you will meet out in the real world, He will be right there if you let Him be. But you've got to ask for His help.

I grew up in a Catholic family - went to Catholic school from kindergarten to graduate school and never learned this one simple thing:

God wants more than anything to have a relationship with you. He doesn't want to just be in the box of religion. He wants to be with us in ev-e-ry-thing. I spent way too long thinking, "He's up there, not down here," and I've talked to too many high school and college students who feel that. But you have to know He is right there with you fighting for you, cheering for you, shepherding you, and loving on you like no partner or parent ever could. 

I had to go to rough lengths to find this out. But when I did, my life was filled with joy that I could never have gotten from 2 degrees from Notre Dame, a "good upbringing" or a sweet job like the one I had at the White House. None of those things could fill me the way God can.

So when you are out in the world, and you come against something that doesn't fill you or breaks your heart deeply, go to God. He'll be standing there waiting with open arms ready to tell you like He told me, "I love you and I forgive you for everything that you've been carrying. Now walk with me." 

One more thing. If you still aren't tuning into this God concept, why don't you try tuning into something that helped me? And in many ways still does today. 

That is, know that you have a Healthy Voice. This Healthy Voice is for you, loves you, speaks life to you, encourages you, comforts you and will never hurt you. It will take work to hear it and listen to it, but I can tell you right now it is there. You may doubt it, but you DO, indeed, have a Healthy Voice. I like to consider God to be mine (and it took a long time to get there) but you may have a different path.

The reason it's so important is because a long time ago the enemy planted a seed called your Unhealthy Voice. It's probably already hurt you a lot and it will try to hurt you for the rest of your life. We all have one. The point is, as you grow in life you will get sick of it and want to hear your Healthy Voice. That is good. That means you are ready to receive what you deserve which is all the love in the world. You may have to work through it to defeat that Unhealthy Voice but it will be worth it because it's like an octopus that has tentacles into many areas of our life depending on our makeup and experience. Whatever you do, don't let it defeat you. 

Make a choice to listen to your Healthy Voice, even if it takes help from others. There is no shame in reaching out for help. Why? Because despite the fact that we live in a world where you should look like you are put together and don't need help, the God who created us DESIGNED us to seek help from Him and others. So when you feel like reaching out, know that God (or your Healthy Voice) is right there, arms wide open, ready to reach out His right hand. 

"Don't be afraid for I am with you. Don't be discouraged for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my righteous right hand."- Isaiah 41:10 NLT

Godspeed graduate! May God be with you always!

Why I'm Starting a Small Group for You

Instagram Invite.jpg

Hey guys, this is Meredith, Founder of Healthy Voice. I wanted to give a shout out to the Healthy Voice small group on Sunday. You may be curious to know what it's going to be all about. You might be thinking I'm going to be talking at you, all about me, or it's going to feel a bit like class. But that's the opposite of my hope. My intention is that it will be a delicate balance of teaching, discussion and being real about where we're at in life.

The first meet-up will be a time for us to get to know one another, without our masks. 

Saw this on social media this week and thought it was perfect for what we're doing.

Saw this on social media this week and thought it was perfect for what we're doing.

The following meetings will generally be topic-oriented with teaching and discussion. The topics will be what you want to hear about.  I mean, you will literally get to tell me exactly what you want to discuss. I will share experiences from my life that will help guide you through the things you are navigating in your life right now.

Yes it will be faith-based, but not in the traditional, or religious sense of the word. I'm talking about the spiritual sense because I believe God wants to meet us outside the box with a relationship, rather than meet us inside it. 

So I hope you'll join me on Sunday. Know that I'm doing this because I've always been passionate and cared about leading women your age. I've had some opportunities to mentor a few women, and they've always asked about a group of peers walking on the same journey. That's why I wanted to start the Healthy Voice small group! I want to walk with you and guide you. Plus, you will have each other to walk beside and encourage. Hopefully your experience of being in the group will inspire others as well.

I hope you can make it. Don't worry. It will be fun. Also, I believe it's something you guys desperately need - someone who will speak hope and truth into you because they want to, not because they've researched it! 

If you are wanting to know more about me you can check out or find me on

A 2017 Update: 8 Things You Need to Keep Up with Your Healthy Voice This Year

  1. Brand/Author Streamlining. I have got to get things organized. For a while I've been wanting to separate Healthy Voice from Meredith Terpeluk. Why? Because we each have our own Healthy Voice and I want you to find yours on your own journey! So is going to be greatly simplified. More on that later. We’re finally moving my personal writing to a NEW Author Website: This Healthy Voice website will be more focused on the whole brand of Healthy Voice geared toward Millennials and younger women, because Meredith has a unique passion to empower the next generation with a much-needed Healthy Voice. The content will be more geared specifically towards Healthy Voice, while more of my personal life experiences will be over on the Author website.
  2. Instagram changes. The Healthy Voice website will be linked to a Healthy Voice Instagram account with quick messages for your journey called the #healthyvoicedailydose. Make sure you follow that HERE. If you already follow my personal account and want to continue to do so, you will continue to get personal stuff and messages that go with my personal writing. If you don’t follow that yet, it’s Meredith Terpeluk Schoeller @meredithterpeluk.
  3. More on the new Author Facebook page. I have found on this journey that I have a lot of personal experiences that I want to write about to help those of you who go through tough times. But I’ve have a hard time fitting them into the Healthy Voice message, or steering from the weekly message. So it’s there that I’ll be writing to those of you who are already on the journey of your Healthy Voice, you know what it’s about, or you want to connect with me. I will post these messages on the Facebook Author Page, not sure what day every week, but you’ll be getting them. 
  4. The Facebook Live videos. These will not stop. They will just be streamlined. The ones I have been doing will be coming direct from my Author page, so make sure you go follow it if you want to get those every Wednesday @1pm EST. Videos will be posted on the Healthy Voice Facebook page if they pertain to the journey of Healthy Voice. Maybe they have a message geared towards the younger generation, or a message about finding your Healthy Voice in mind, body, spirit. So if they pertain to life in general, spiritual growth - they’ll be on the Meredith Terpeluk Author page. If they pertain to Real Life Talk about living a Healthy life, they’ll be on the Healthy Voice Facebook page (or the website).
  5. As far as Facebook, I have been posting some to my personal page, but I will be doing this less and less. Make sure to follow both Healthy Voice and Meredith Terpeluk if you want all the content!


  1. Calling all storytellers! This is for all of you who are writers (or not!) but you have a story to tell. We want to hear about your Healthy Voice. We want to invite you to write a guest blog or guest devotional for Healthy Voice. Maybe you even want to do a video and tell me about your Healthy Voice. I would love it! We want you to share the wisdom you've learned from your experience with others who need to find their Healthy Voice. Please let us know if you are interested at
  2. Almost done!!! I am taking coaching clients and speaking engagements. I have been on a bit of a hiatus with the first few years of marriage and being a stepmom. But now I’m an empty nester, so I'm back and would love to walk with you on your personal journey, or speak to your group. Go to my website at to find that out.
  3. And finally, best news - for my friends who have found their Healthy Voice and have been wanting an e-book version of the book. It is finally going to be available to you this Spring - with a NEW Foreword!! Just finished writing it. So I hope this makes it easier for you to read it online or get it to your friends who haven’t read the book. Stay tuned for more and you will have it available to you soon!! (The next book is in PROCESS!)

Okay, that's about it! I just wanted to make you aware of all these changes in the midst of a changing season for me and Healthy Voice. I don't want you to miss any of the good content coming your way!

Thanks and have an AWESOME Day.


How to Deal with Feelings of Failure around New Years Resolutions

Where are you at with your New Years Resolutions?

If you feel like a failure, you are not alone. But I just want you to know right now - it's a feeling you have. Not a fact. (More on that later.)

Like everyone else I've had my fair share of making resolutions. They are good for morale and get you motivated for the year. This year I don't have resolutions, but goals for the year around things I want to accomplish - like write my next book, and run/walk another half-marathon and I keep working towards them.

There are some crazy stats on statistic about #Newyearsresolutions. The #1 Resolution for 2017 was (shocker) lose weight/healthier eating. Interestingly enough, the percentage of people who "usually do" make resolutions is 41% and the people who "absolutely never" make resolutions is 42%. 72% of resolutions are maintained the first week. 68.4% are maintained past two weeks. 58.4% past one month and 44.8% past six months. Those last figures are better stats than I expected. It shows me that people may be seeing them more for longterm lifestyle change rather than quick fix. 

But I want to point out something I see these resolutions doing sometimes.  They can make us harder on ourselves when we already expect so much of ourselves that we can't let ourselves be human. They make us forge ahead with our perfectionism. Here's what I have to say about that!

Don't let your expectations of yourself become weapons of mass perfectionism.

I don't know if you know this, but we are not superhuman. We are human. 

But for some reason we take not meeting those expectations as our failures. We let them define us even. 

For good reason, I think one of the reasons less people make them now is because they are self-defeating in their "quick-fix" element. People are sick of trying to fix themselves quickly - because it never works. People are craving promise of hope and endurance, tools for longevity, not immediacy. It gets old trying to fix yourself with our own willpower and finding we can only get so far with it. It gets old saying, "This year, I'm going to do it! I'm going to finally lose this weight!" It's like an alcoholic saying they aren't going to drink without getting help. By depending on our own willpower, we set ourselves up for FEELING (emphasis on that work) like failures. We are not failures. That's our feelings and feelings are not facts. 

What am I getting at here? Right about now we're coming to the end of January and people are probably thinking one of two things. It's either, "I suck. I didn't get anywhere with my resolution," or "I am totally doing this! I got this!!!" Either way - it's an extreme, and we have to be careful about extremes because they set us up for FAILURE. It's like looking at a scale. If you don't lose or gain, you suck. If you are losing, losing, you keep pushing or you stall or gain and it's the end of the world.

Here's what I want to tell you. FEELING like a FAILURE is simply a feeling. Feelings are NOT facts. Feelings do NOT have to guide our lives. If you don't feel good in your body, you have to address the inside in addition to the outside. It's like Kate in the show "This is US" last night resisting that she had to deal with what's behind the weight at the camp she went to, knowing she had to face it. If we feel like failures or feel ugly - we have to deal with THAT. Why? Because I can tell you no matter how hard you workout, or how perfect you make your food, or how much weight you lose - you will not FEEL okay until you DEAL with what's inside. 

Here's what is amazing. The fitness industry is so good at helping us look at ourselves realistically where we need to improve and get our bodies healthy. But there is one thing it's not going to tell us to do. It's not going to tell us to look inside and deal, and it's certainly not going to show us how. That's where I feel is the biggest gap. Someone needs to be helping people make the link between a physically healthy lifestyle, and a spiritually healthy lifestyle. Hello, Healthy Voice.

When I wrote my first book, "Healthy Voice: Life Beyond the Weight," I shared about my journey from an obsession with physical fitness to a recognition of the importance of spiritual fitness. I have found the only way that I could get of my obsession was to let God take over that part of my life (that I thought I was controlling). If you don't have Him in that part of your life, I can tell you if you let Him in, it will be the best thing that ever happens to you. 

Let me remind you that God isn't waiting for you to get perfect in body and mind to give you everything you want. He's not waiting to love you until you drop that weight. Believe me I thought that for a long, long...long time. He loves you RIGHT NOW, AS YOU ARE, MORE THAN EVER. Whether you are working out an insane amount or you feel like a sloth - He loves you. 

When we only focus on our fitness and food, we are staring at what we perceive are imperfections, when God really created us as we are in the shape we are - perfectly imperfect. We've become self-obsessed. It's because we're only looking at ourselves, and our ability to change how we look. Yes, it's a personal responsibility. Absolutely. But you know what else? If we look before us? God is waiting for us to take His hand so He can guide us to a healthy life, and inner healing, and a healthy body that can be a vessel for the Holy Spirit. Remember the Lord tells us, "I am strong where you are weak." It's good to have people who push us beyond our limits in fitness, to be challenged to go beyond our comfort zone. But it's a good thing to remember that God is there to help us AND MORE IMPORTANTLY - remind us that we don't have to over perform or over-strive for perfection, because He loves us no matter what.

Take it from someone who has had multiple injuries in the past few years that have kept me from going to the gym time and again. But guess what I know? Because I know God's got me right here, right now - I know He will tell me when it's time to get back to the gym, because I'll be healed and ready. The gym for me isn't a quick-fix, and you know what? If I can't get there, I'm not going to lose it. So freeing. Believe me there was one point in my life where not going for a run made me feel like I couldn't survive. If you have an Unhealthy Voice like that? You can get help because it's making fitness your religion and your god instead of letting God be God FOR YOU. 

You know what else is really cool about when you are forced to sit still? When you can't go 500 miles ahead towards your goals? You get to be present. I realized last week after we lost our cat Ed, that if I hadn't broken my elbow just a few days before he got sick, I may not have been able to be so present to him for his last two weeks. It makes me grateful for the downtime. 

I look forward to when I get to be back in my workouts. In the meantime, I take care of myself with food, eating the best I can without a workout so I don't fall behind. But that's because for me - it's a lifestyle, not a fix.

So if you find yourself in the next few days beating yourself up about the New Years Resolutions, give yourself a break. You might be in a season or a moment where God wants to slow you down so it can happen in HIS timing. God uses every moment and season and experience in our lives if we just take a second to notice that He is working.

Also remember, that God loves us even in our failures because they give him a chance to step in with grace. Failures are not a sign of weakness, but a sign of God's strength in our weakness.

And here is a question for you - when you are in a funk spot and challenged by your physical fitness, what are you doing with your spiritual fitness? How much are you letting God into that physical fitness part of your life? How much are you letting God into your life at all? Or do you just keep him in the box of church on Sunday. He wants to be part of EVERYTHING in your life, my friend.

One last thing. Knowing that many of you are in this place at the end of January, when resolutions aren't working, I have decided to do something really special. I've decided to release a second edition of the first book. It will have the same content. The only difference will be a new forward written for today. I can't wait! So it will now be available online at a cheaper cost so you can have it and share it with friends who haven't read it yet. In the coming days, we'll have something you can subscribe to so you can make sure you get a copy. You will see it as we relaunch the Healthy Voice/Meredith Terpeluk Author page. I will also be doing a series of weekly messages dedicated to topics of the book, so that you can get excited for the re-release.

Goal date for release is March 1st/Ash Wednesday - God-willing.  (Btw, I am working on the next one too... :)

So, get excited. Let your friends know and we will talk again next week!!



What God May Be Showing Us When We Go Through Deep Waters

This isn't about resolutions but sticking to a vision even when your plans for the new year don't go according to YOUR plan. It's about what God is showing us when that happens. As I've been going through deep waters the last few weeks with healing, physical pain and even emotional pain, I've been seeing just what I think God tries to show us at these times and I want you to hear what God's teaching me as it may help you. At the time of year when we make it all about performance, it's important to know that grace is all we need. When we've got an agenda, He may have another plan - a detour for us to heal us in ways that only He can. We just gotta trust God in the detours.

Verses to Look Up for Study: Isaiah 43:10, Psalm 73:26

5 things to remember to do when we’re going through tough times:

  1. Seek God First. Matthew 6:33
  2. Feel what we Gotta feel and trust Him to guide you. John 14:27
  3. Know he’s with you in it - won’t leave us or forsake us. Deuteronomy 31:6
  4. Feel the fear but trust him. Isaiah 41:10
  5. Whatever happens, he’s working it out for our good. Romans 8:28

Lastly, this song came to me as I was preparing this message today and this version came up. Thought it was a great version of God working in pop culture:

It's About Time to Find Joy Amid the Holiday Stress and Distractions!

Today's message is for those of you beating yourself up already with the holiday season coming and everything you have to do that you haven't gotten done. Sit back. Relax. Take a breathe and watch.

Mini Pep Talk Time: If you are stressed this holiday season, do this: Stop and focus on the fact that Jesus is about to be born instead of all this: where you are lacking, or should-ing on yourself, or torturing yourself with self-imposed expectations, or obsessing about your to-do list or making yourself feel guilty. Christmas is a season of joy that we get to enjoy. Don't let it pass you by!

Here are the verses I mentioned that you can look up:

Galatians 6:4 NLT "Pay careful attention to your own work for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won't need to compare yourself to anyone else."

Romans 8:1-4 NLT "So now there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death. The law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature. So God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body God declared an end to sin's control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins. He did this so that the just requirement of the law would be fully satisfied for us, who no longer follow our sinful nature but instead follow the Spirit."  

Psalm 51:2 NLT, "Wash my clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin."

Here's a little prayer I wrote when preparing this message that I want to share with you if it will help...

God forgive me for my inability to see myself as you see me. Forgive me for my weakness of wanting to control, and wanting to condemn myself for not being able to control. Remind me that my human expectations are limited and unrealistic. Fill me with your supernatural grace to get done what you want me to get done this holiday season, without feeling guilty for what I haven’t done yet. Remind me that I am your child and that I am blessed beyond measure this Christmas season and every season. In Jesus name. Amen.

Here's a song to remind you of the joy in this season