Pardon me for this late post. My sinuses are so stuffed. I'm finally going to the doctor tomorrow so apologies if it doesn't make sense! This blog has taken ALL day when usually they take 1-2 hours max!
I have two questions to start off...
Why would we assume that we're going to find the perfect person when we know we ourselves aren't perfect either?
Why do we believe the lie, (however long we do) that we will achieve happiness when we DO find that perfect person?
It's like believing the myth about the perfect body. We somehow believe that there is some perfect body and we'll be happy once we get it so we go on the hunt.
Before I go any further, I want you to pause for a minute. Drop your judgements. None of this, "Well she's in a relationship, blah, blah, blah." My marriage isn't perfect. It's great, but not perfect. Neither is anyone else's - no matter how PICTURE perfect it may be. My life isn't better because I'm married. It's just different. Your life isn't worse or better because you are single. It's just different. So - approach the rest of this as we are all human, trying to walk through relationship issues. Period. End of story. I digress.
The Dating Landscape
I'm amazed at this new app #tinder (yes I'm old). I thought #match was tough when I did it. Now it's down to just a picture? And you are supposed to figure out if you like someone, by a picture when you know nothing else? Talk about pressure!! We are so much more than a picture! And seriously - what if you meet a stalker? I met some serious weirdos on match! On the other side of the coin, I also know that people find love online because I've seen it. There is no right place. It happens when it happens. The point is that today it just takes a lot of work so I give everyone out there credit.
As far as this "person" goes, you want the right one - not the perfect one. Once you are okay with that, you are going to have to accept this is not going to be a surface thing. Much like the profile picture not showing everything, society's ideal relationship today doesn't show everything. Getting into a relationship is a raw and deep thing. It takes vulnerability. I mean being real with yourself first.
Is it the person you want? Or just a person to fill that hole...And if you are going to get real, there is only one who can fill this hole. It's called the "God-shaped hole" for a reason. It fits His love perfectly. It's not meant for any person. It's for the God who loves us. So the sooner you get to know Him, the sooner you'll be able to meet the person who is right for you. Because let me tell you, as long as you are trying the whole hole with any person - you will be disappointed.
Falling in love with Him first, helps bring us a healthier relationship for the long haul.
The Deal Breakers List
Do you have a list of deal breakers? What's important for you in the LONG haul? What do you value? Watch for someone coming into your life that doesn't fit every qualification on your list perfectly. It might be God challenging you to see if you are seeking the idea of love or real love, perfect love or imperfect love.
Little story. When Mike came into my life I knew he was the right one and that little of qualifications I had went out the window. Of course there were some that stuck, but it was his character that stood. The fact that he was 10 years older, already had been married, and had three pre-teens in tow was scary as all-get-out. But the love I felt? That didn't matter. I had to let my guard (or my list) down and notice what God was doing. I'm certainly not saying every woman needs to marry a divorced Dad. What I AM saying is that you may need to budge a little. God may have a different plan and you may really be faced with looking at your real priorities.
My husband's faith and trust in God is what drew me the most and laid the foundation for our walk today. God is the only way we've gotten through what we've gotten through in the beginning of this marriage. He's the reason we love and forgive and keep walking. The only one. So if that' important to you, then you've got to pray about it. Pray that God brings you His will, not yours in a companion.
Trusting His Plan
You may think you want to find the right person when the truth is - until you find the right person IN you - you won't find the right person FOR you. Find who HE is (God) and who YOU are IN Him. Focus on that and he'll give you direction and do it in his perfect timing. Believe me I thank God I didn't meet my husband until after I started working on me in treatment. Before that I wasn't ready. Every rejection I got from every guy was needed to be part of the story. Every one of them taught me something about myself and brought me closer to my person. And when I got real with me, and how I was using guys before to fill a hole, I found the only one who can fill the hole and he brought me through the pain of rejection from all those guys. But I had to be willing to walk through it, let it go, and trust that He had me. In the process, I learned that He loved me first. With all my flaws and insecurities he still loved and still loves me first. In fact, he loves me more than ANYONE. More than anything he wants me to see me as he sees me.
Now don't think I'm saying you have to find this perfect relationship with God. He will be working on you until the day he takes you. What I am saying is get your priorities straight. If he loves you that much, and it's there for you to receive it, then you can take that "person" off the pedestal and go to Him. He will give you the desires of your heart.
If this blog got to you in a not-so-fun way, pray about it, think about it. Are you putting this hunt for the right guy on a pedestal? Are you putting your husband on a pedestal? Maybe it's time to take a step back and adjust the priorities. This can be for everyone. I know I'll be thinking about it all week. Relationships are the thing in life that always need a reset button and I can't think of a better way to reset than to put God first in them.
I hope you have an awesome week. Love you. Take care of you. Don't let the Newsfeeds get you down.