This week's message is one of hope for those who've navigated the path of being children of divorce. I hope it provides you with some peace and/or clarity or someone you love....
Hi! Today I delivered a message to deliver hope to children of divorce (of all ages) and their loved ones. There is not a lot of truth spoken except for what Hollywood and popular culture tries to tell us, and a lot of that is not very helpful. All you need to see is how the Brad and Angelina divorce is being covered. It's all about the drama, and that's not what people need - especially not the kids. So I've delivered a video (that I'm still trying to get posted on here), and compiled a list of tips and resources for you. If you'd like to watch it, jump on over to my Facebook page here to today October 19th.
3 Ways I mentioned we have to close the gap: 1) Encourage kids to find a faith that works and be okay with the fact that it might not look like ours, 2) Don't force them to believe, especially if they are harboring anger. It will push them further away. Show them by your walk, 3) Find your own relationship with God so they can learn from you, how you depended on your faith in the hard times.
3 Scriptures to share with kids who may be struggling with one of these three things. 1) If they feel broken, share with them Psalm 34:18. Show them that their brokenness is exactly why Jesus came, 2) If they feel alone, share with them Psalm 68:5-6 so they can learn about how God is Father to the fatherless and sets the lonely in families, 3) When they feel abandoned, show them God will never abandon them with Deuteronomy 31:6.
A final note for the parents I mentioned to help you out so you aren't blaming yourself or trying to fix your kids (I know hard to do) but here goes:
Don't beat yourself up. Best thing you can do is work on you. Get your own help. Don't try to fix your kids. You can't. They will have to work through it themselves, just like you. It's a gaping wound that can't be fixed with a band-aid But give them (and yourself) permission to do these things: to feel it, to talk about it, to be angry about it, and to find someone who gets it so you don't have to walk it alone.
Here's a little excerpt from the movie Moneyball. I forgot to mention it, but the song, "Enjoy the Show" is one I think many children of divorce relate to because it talks about being caught in the middle. Ironically it's with the guy who is going through one of the biggest Hollywood divorces.
Here is the link to the children of divorce statistics I mentioned..50% of North American kids will witness the divorce of their parents and 50% will experience their parents divorce before the age of 18.
Here are the books:
1) "Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce," by Elizabeth Marquardt
2) Smart Stepfamilies is the ministry of Ron Deal who has got various books on his website including ones for the Stepmom and Stepdad.
3) "The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: The 25 Year Landmark Study" by Judith S. Wallerstein
Here is the Washington Post article from September 27th, 2016 I mentioned. It's called, "How Decades of Divorce Helped Erode Religion," by Julie Zauzmer.
The song I mentioned I'd share that goes with the verse about "father to the fatherless."