Welcome to the Healthy Voice "Faith Food and Fitness Fridays." I say Faith Food and Fitness in that order because faith comes first in my life. Food is the thing I have to pay the most attention to with God's help and fitness keeps me sane!
Do you have a Mt. Everest?
I call this journey of #faithfoodandfitness my "Mt. Everest" because it's huge, not in the sense that I know I've got weight to lose, but in the sense that the journey to the summit is one that is not only physical, but it's seriously mental and emotional, and deeply spiritual and when something takes ALL of me, it's serious. Thankfully, the journey of recovery and my faith has given me the strength to stand and the hope to begin the journey.
Sidenote, as I watch this I've got Netflix playing the movie #theway, one of my favorite movies. The soundtrack often guides me while I write. The movie itself guided my early in my grief journey with Dad and who doesn't love Martin Sheen. I digress.
Let me jump back a bit and tell you that if you didn't know - a few years ago I checked myself into treatment for food addiction. It changed my life and the direction I was going. It gave me tools for living and helped me start feeling feelings again. But it was just a start. The real work began when I got home. For three years, I stuck to it. I wrote a book including those first three years. At the end of those chapters, I shared how I lost my Dad. A few months after I lost him I went back to Florida for a reset button on my recovery, which I also wrote about.
But no amount of prevention or tools or time in the sun could have prepared me for the journey of grief. As I walked it, I got lax about the food. A little bit here. A little bite there. And then, life became filled with more than just grief. Life got full - writing a book, planning a wedding, building a home, growing a marriage, step parenting, more loss, and change and new beginnings. Life got INTENSE, and those little bites, kept surfacing. Not only that, a routine of always getting exactly what you need when you need it - was next to impossible.
The funny part is that no matter how many bites I took, no matter how much the devil tried to get a hold on me - GOD NEVER let go of me. He was and STILL is the only power that carries me. He truly is my strength and hope, my creator and my ROCK. It's because of HIM that I am not afraid to scale this mountain ahead.
Last year getting injured and having surgery, God made me sit still. I knew I'd pack on weight no matter what I ate. It was inevitable. When I struggled, I just had to give it to God trusting and knowing that HE would not keep me here. Even then I knew it would be a long journey back to health the way my weight would pack on me so easily. But the whole time I could do NOTHING about my weight except sit, I was forced to rest in him and TRUST him. In the end it made me strong in spirit, even though my body was losing all strength. And now he's bringing me out of it, but it's not happening without MY footsteps.
Losing the weight is my Mt. Everest. Once, it served a purpose and protected me from life's struggles. But now, it serves no purpose. It's just a roadblock to deeper reliance on a God who's got an awesome plan for my life. Yes life gets rocky, but it's GOD we need, NOT our crutches. Yes, there are times it serves as protection, an outer shell, protective lining from the storms (whether it's weight, makeup clothes or whatever you use to mask the pain). But it never serves a lifetime of purpose. We aren't meant to carry the weight. We are meant to give it to the God who died to carry it FOR Us.
We aren't meant to be all vain and obsessed with being skinny, or having the best body, best workout, or best nutrition regiment. We are MEANT for HIM.
Seasons are a part of life. We go through them. They affect us in every way. But eventually there comes a time when we've got to get refocused and reset. That time for me is now, not just because I feel physically bad, but because seeing what God just brought me through SHOWS me how much more He's got to carry me through.
Here's where I'm at. Right now, I'm carrying 45 extra pounds above my healthy weight. That is a LOT of weight. I checked. I found on this site, what 40 pounds is equal to: A Border Collie, a 5-gallon jug of water!, and your average microwave. Hello perspective!
In so many ways, I'm back at square one. Except one and that is in my relationship with God. In a way, I'm more ready than ever because of the inner strength he's given me.
So why am I writing about this? Because I believe I'm called to be honest about this weight and Healthy Voice journey in a world that wants us to NOT be. The world wants us to have it all together. But God wants us to show that we DON'T have it all together, so we can see JUST how much we need HIM. I believe there is NO greater evidence of our need for God in our lives than in our obsession with weight, food and our bodies. I think we have to SHIFT our focus and get out of that obsession so we can live by God's DIRECTION. I know that God didn't keep me unable to workout for a year to punish me. He kept me there to strengthen me - in spirit and soul and mind, so that he could do whatever he had to do for whatever he's got next. He also didn't put this weight on me for me to be ashamed or fearful but to show that WE ARE NOT PERFECT!!! Yes, some of us just have these great bodies but MOST of us have to FIGHT to not pick up the food for an escape. I was never meant to be a Jillian Michaels. I was just meant to be ME, standing in the POWER and strength of a God who LOVES me enough to say, "Hey you don't need that," and I trust Him.
Of COURSE I know I've got a tough journey ahead. I haven't had to lose this much weight in YEARS! But it's not about the weight! That's why I'm doing these Friday blogs on this topic while I walk the journey. They will be about the journey of weight loss with HIM as my ROCK and COMPASS and ROADMAP. Of course I'll share tools that have helped me along the way. But most of all, I'll share how much I need Him. HE made me imperfect. He made me struggle with weight so that I could be a light to someone who does too. If we know HIM, we know he takes our mess and HE makes it HIS message. So Lord, I am giving YOU this climb to my Mt. Everest because it's ALL for you and whatever strength you give me or anyone else on the way, I pray that we know it is ONLY by your strength that we can walk.
By the way, if you aren't sure if I'm really having to do this myself, here is the evidence of my week on this journey:
- Monday, I got the email in my inbox for the beginner training plan for the Grand Teton Half Marathon from Active at Altitude. June 6th. The journey begins, and BOY are we out of shape!
- Wednesday, I had a good day. Got to start with some quiet time knowing that God wants me to get rid of this, and asking his help to remove my cravings. I got to talk to my nutritionist about my food plan and that evening I started a Food Audit of my kitchen. It's like hunting for baddies. You get to find all the stuff that has sugar and flour in it, and there's a lot less than I thought (thank God!) but it is DEFINITELY there, and it's GOOD to see it. More perspective.
- Thursday (yesterday) I posted the picture series on Facebook from my husband and I's engagement three years ago at the Austin Half Marathon. MORE motivation. That's what we look like when we're maintaining our weight and workouts. Let's get back to THAT. It was a great motivator. It's also been a LONG time since we've done our weekend runs, since before the wedding. But we're excited to get back to them, even if we're making it 10 minutes of running at a time, we're out there doing it together and being together.
- This morning, at 5:45 I arose. (Yikes) At 6:15 I went down to my basement and got on Skype with my favorite trainer in the world, Mr. Michel Edwards. We did a workout together over Skype and he's guiding me through getting back into physically healthy shape and preparation for the half-marathon. I am GRATEFUL! (even though it was the crack of dawn.)
Mt Everest is in front of me. I'm ready. I'm grateful for EVERY step. To God be the glory.